Amateur Rules
By Blayne Bittner

Olympic Boxing has always been considered amateur rules, or just plain boring. It was always boring because it is only four rounds, and they judge by how many punches strike. They judge the same amount of points for a big punch or just a jab. Nobody really achieves knockouts, or even technical knockouts. This is until Barry Carter came along with his best friend, John Lucas.

They were amateur boxers. John was the six-foot-six skinny guy who had so-called rapid hands. He also had a heavy punch. John would fight drunk several times and would often wake up and not remember a thing. He used to practice kung fu. He also played basketball throughout high school and college. He was white, and had a German look to him. He had blonde hair and brown eyes.

Barry was the strong guy of the pair. He was six-foot-three and was built like a brick. He had a Scottish look to him and also had brown eyes and blonde hair. He was somewhat slower than John but it is almost impossible to knock him out. The only person ever to knock him out was John.

They both made it into the Olympics for team Canada.

John and Barry both made it all the way to the final round. They were both the best in the tournament.

John was busy winning the judge, while Barry was busy achieving knockouts.

The final round was just a day away. Needles to say, they both got totally drunk (on the night of the fight). They were out drinking all night.

The fight was getting started. John and Barry were on opposite sides of the ring. Both seemed wobbly. John and Barry both heard a triple ring of a bell. They wobbled up to each other. They both started punching, not caring about what was going on around them.

Everything was blurry for John. The last thing John remembered was punching, lots of punching. He didn’t remember anything after that.

John woke up in a hospital bed. His vision came to. He had a major headache. He looked around. There were curtains on either side to block his view of the other patients. He rubbed his eye. Barry must have knocked him out.

A man walked in. He was dressed in black jeans and a plaid white shirt. He had black hair and blue eyes. He had a Korean look to him. He spoke suddenly, “You are lucky to be alive after last night!”

“Barry, he knocked me out?” John asked.

“Yes, he feels really bad about it though.”

“My nose feels funny.”

“Yeah, that’s where he hit you!”

“So Barry won by a knockout.”

“Won?” The Asian man seemed surprised.

“Yeah!”

“You mean you don’t remember anything?”

“No!”

“Man, you were drunk!”

“Spill the juice then!”

“I caught the end of the fight. You won by decision!”

“How was I knocked out then?”

“Let me explainÖ You won the fight by landing a ridiculous amount of punches. Afterwards, you and Mr. Carter went to the nearest pub. One of the men whom you beat in a previous match came up to you and said, ‘hey, I don’t like yer kind in ‘ere!’ I was with you at the time. He pulled you up by the shirt. Barry swung and accidentally hit you right in the nose. I broke up the fight eventually and took you to the hospital.”

“What about my eye?” John questioned.

“Let me see that.” The Korean man looked at it briefly and answered with “That eye’s plastic!”